


i don't wanna walk on my own

by WattStalf



Series: these shitty ocs of mine [9]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: Adultery, F/M, Nipple Play, Sequel, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, argh stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:10:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6617314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to call it what you want.<br/>Dwight settles into his role as leader of the Saviors as well as his relationship with Cindy, but he is not completely content with either. When Debbie tries to show him that there's more for him, he has a very hard time resisting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dwight mentions being depressed since Debbie left him. Was Debbie another name error for Sherry/Diane? Maybe, but I'm writing her as if she isn't, in order to work my story into more canon-compliant. Laura is going to make some appearances here too.

Months and months went by quickly for Dwight. Things finally began to settle down for the Saviors and negotiations with the other communities finally panned out. His own people seemed to trust him as a leader and he found himself being questioned less and less. All in all, everything seemed to be working out for him, but even so, he still didn't feel so comfortable as a leader. He did what he could and it worked out alright, but he didn't like having everyone answer to him.

When things were settled, and he found himself with more free time, he didn't like to be without something to do. He couldn't go live at one of the outposts, not when he had a real home here now, but he could work the patrols around their border. It was easy work, most of the time, but it was nice to have some sort of work and it was nice to be around his people, letting them see that he was no different from them. He had done all he could to establish himself as being different from Negan, and he hoped that it was working out well.

Whatever this case, it was through this work that he began to get to know new people in the community. Laura had been put in charge of patrol schedules a long time ago, and he had kept her in the position because she was so good at it, but he hadn't really had the chance to talk to her before. Now, he saw her every day when he began his shift and she ended hers. When they switched off, she would always ask him about his patrols, and he would tell her anything he thought was noteworthy.

“You know,” she said one day, “if you want anything changed, you don't have to treat it like a suggestion. You're the one in charge here.”

“But you've been in charge of patrols for a lot longer than I've been the leader of this place. I trust your judgment,” he replied. “So, as long as I feel like you know more than me, I'll make suggestions, and it's up to you if you listen to them or not.”

She chuckled and shook her head. “You're a weird one, you know that?”

“Maybe so. Or maybe I'm just bad at the whole leader thing.”

“Or maybe you're just really good at it,” she said with a shrug, and he laughed as if she had told him a joke.

She looked ready to say more to him, but then another woman walked up behind her and said, “Hate to steal him from ya, but it's time for us to head out.” Debbie grinned at him, and Laura said her goodbyes.

He and Debbie had been on the same shift since he had begun patrolling and they had become fast friends. She was a tough woman and had been on patrols for years, even back when the borders were much more dangerous. On the rare days when they had to deal with persistent groups of walkers, she was nearly unstoppable, and the two of them made a very good team, and on the slow, easy days, which were much more common, he enjoyed talking to her quite a bit.

“Heard Laura flattering you back there,” she said, after they had been walking for a little bit.

“Huh?”

“Oh, you know, the way she gushed about you being such a good leader and all,” Debbie replied.

“I think she was just kidding,” he said with a shrug.

“Come on,” she said, rolling her eyes, “it was so obvious that she was trying to flatter you. Might even have a thing for you.”

“What?” Dwight shook his head. “Definitely not. Laura's great, I doubt she'd waste her time looking at me. Besides, I've not noticed her doing anything to make it seem like she was hitting on me.”

“Maybe your surprising lack of confidence has something to do with that. You're so convinced you're not worth looking at that you can't even tell when someone's looking,” she said with a snort. “Besides, she's not gonna make it too obvious that she likes you. Not when you've got a girl at home and all.”

By now, everyone knew about Cindy, though he still hadn't made it fully public that he called her his wife. Sometimes he would refer to her as such in conversation without thinking, but there was never much of a reaction to that outside of a few congratulations here or there. He still wasn't sure just how public he wanted everything between the two of them to be.

“You sound like you a know a lot about this,” he said at last.

“I'm good at reading people,” replied Debbie. “A lot better than you are, at least.”

~X~

When he got off from his patrol, he headed home to Cindy. Even after all this time, she was always just as ecstatic when he got home, spending her day just waiting for him to get home. After all this time, she was just as madly in love with him, and he was just as lucky to have someone like her to love him. But, even after all this time, he still wasn't sure about his own feelings, and that worried him.

“Did you have a good day?” she asked, looking up at him with a grin.

“Same as always,” he replied. “What about you?”

“I just missed you is all. I'm so glad you're home now,” said Cindy. He felt a stab of guilt. For a while, he hadn't felt those, but recently, as he had begun to question their relationship again, they had returned, and he hated to think about what they meant for him.

She was always the doting wife, always so sweet and devoted to him, and she loved him more than he was sure anyone could, with him looking the way he did, but he still couldn't be sure about his own feelings. He still wasn't sure if he loved her or not, and after all that she had done for him, he knew that he was supposed to be certain of something by now. Thinking about what Debbie had said, about the possibility that Laura liked him, only made him feel worse.

From the way Debbie had talked, the way she had referred to his lack of confidence, she made it sound like it was possible for a lot more people than just Cindy to still find him attractive and to still take an interest in him. Whether or not Laura actually was interested in him, Debbie was at least certain that it was possible for _someone_ to be, and since a huge part of the reason he hadn't been able to let go of Cindy in the beginning was believing she was the only one who could feel like that, it made him wonder about where their relationship had ended up. What if he really was only with her out of desperation? What if he had only been settling? What if there was more out there that he just hadn't noticed yet?

But thinking about that made him feel absolutely terrible, especially with Cindy right in front of him, looking at him like he was the most important man in the world, and he knew that, to her, he was. She deserved better than him doubting himself like that and, without warning, he pulled her into a passionate kiss before leading her straight to their bed.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo Dwight don't do nothin' stupid

“Was Laura at it again today?” asked Debbie.

“I really think you're imagining it,” Dwight replied. “I don't think she's got any hidden feelings, not for someone like me.”

“Like I said, I'm just good at reading people, and you're pretty damn bad at it,” she said with a smirk.

“I can't be that bad at it, can I? I don't really think I can afford to be...”

“You are where women are concerned,” she said, and she stopped walking. He stopped as well, about to question what she was doing, when she stepped close enough that he could feel her breath on him. “You still haven't been able to figure me out, after all.”

Dwight blinked; whether he was bad at reading people or not, there weren't many ways to read this other than the obvious, but it was hard to believe that Debbie was coming onto him. Not just because of his appearance, though that was a big part of it, but because of the fact that she knew just as well as anyone that he had been with Cindy for so long.

“Debbie...”

“Do I need to be a little more obvious, or do you get the gist of it?”

“I...Debbie, if you're being serious...” He struggled with what to say to her. “You know I'm with Cindy, right?” It was a stupid question, considering the fact that they had discussed it so recently.

“Everyone knows about Cindy,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “But everyone knows just how fucked up she is too. You know that Nina's got that big mouth on her, and everyone knows by now that she just hooked up with you because she thought she had to and that she doesn't even remember how relationships work anymore.”

“That's not...”

“Oh, come on, you can't lie to me. And everyone knows you're just with her because you feel sorry for her.”

“That's not true at all!” he snapped, but Debbie didn't look like she believed him at all.

“Isn't it, though? You can't tell me one of Negan's ex-wives came to you, gushing over you cos you replaced him, and your feelings for her had nothing to do with pity when you saw how desperate she was,” she said. “Why else would you have even gotten with her?”

“She doesn't think I'm all fucked up looking,” he replied, without really thinking, and he immediately regretted it.

“What's that supposed to mean?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

“It is _not_ nothing, or you wouldn't have said it. What did you mean by that?”

“Come on, look at me,” he said, annoyed. “You know finding a woman who can actually put up with all of this is rare enough, much less a woman who actually thinks I'm attractive. Cindy's a special girl.”

“Oh, spare me.” Debbie rolled her eyes again, stepping back from him. “You really think everyone in the whole world thinks you're gross except her? Hate to break it to you, Dwight, but you're pretty damn good looking and I doubt Cindy is the only one who thinks so. Actually, I know for a damn fact she isn't the only one, considering, you know. Laura. And me. The scar actually looks really badass, you know.”

~X~

“Do you feel okay today?”

“I'm just tired, Cindy. It's been a long day,” he said, surprised that she could already tell how strange he was feeling after his encounter with Debbie. He hadn't known what to do, having her come onto him like that. Dwight had spent so long assuming that Cindy would be the only girl he could ever have that he had never bothered thinking about what he would do if someone else tried something with him.

“Is there anything I can do?” she asked, and that made him feel even more awful about everything. What was he doing even entertaining thoughts of Debbie when he had Cindy right in front of him? She had done so much for him, and here he was, wondering if Debbie would ever ask him something like that or if she would be the sort to leave him alone when she thought something was bothering him.

“I can think of a few things,” he replied, pulling her into a kiss. He had to stop himself before he actually began comparing them, because it was wrong to do something like that and he was afraid of what he would end up thinking when he actually thought about them side by side.

Cindy responded to his kiss enthusiastically, and he could tell that she had missed him, not that that was anything new. She couldn't stand to be away from him, not even after having so much time to get used to his busy schedule. He couldn't imagine what she would do without him altogether, but neither of them had any reason to be concerned about that.

Breaking the kiss suddenly, he scooped her into his arms and she let out a little squeal of surprise. He had to do something to get his earlier conversation off his mind, something to make sure that Cindy was the only one he was he was thinking about. Carrying her to their bed, he set her down and climbed on top of her, pulling up her shirt and pushing up her bra to take one of her breasts into his mouth. She had always loved that so much, though she had started thinking of it as a reward at some point and often asked him if she'd earned it.

“Thank you, sir,” she moaned quietly as he sucked at her, right on schedule. “Did I do something to earn it?”

He pulled back just enough to say, “You earned it because you gave me a good welcome home.” Telling her she didn't have to earn anything hadn't worked too well in the past, and as he went back to it, he thought about the fact that he couldn't see Debbie ever needing to be convinced that she deserved what he gave her. She probably wouldn't be afraid to ask for anything or to tell him what she wanted either, and really seemed like the sort who wouldn't mind taking the lead every now and then.

Debbie wasn't afraid of much, as far as he could tell, and she would certainly not be afraid of overstepping boundaries within relationships. She was tough and had been out there fighting when things had been tough, had taken out countless walkers and even fought in the war, though she had not been one of the ones who protested when Dwight stepped up to take control and had them surrender. Part of why they had been able to get along so well was because they could relate to each other, because they shared so many common experiences that he just couldn't see Cindy being able to understand. The two of them were just so different, there was no comparison.

But he was with Cindy! He had been with Cindy, and he was supposed to be thinking about her and focusing on making her feel good, not thinking about Debbie and why they were so different. It was terrible that he was even letting his mind wander like this, but he hadn't even been able to stop himself. He was supposed to love Cindy, and that meant that he couldn't daydream about a girl he had met after they had already gotten together.

But wasn't that part of the problem? He hadn't even known Debbie when he and Cindy hooked up, and he had assumed that there would never be anyone but her. Now it was becoming a bit more apparent that he had other options, and he didn't know how to handle that.

Dwight pulled back from Cindy, and she smiled at him, breathless and with her face flushed. It was clear that she wanted him very badly now, but having his mind wander had not exactly set the mood, and the guilt he felt made it very hard for him to get into this. All he could do was go back to sucking while he slipped a hand between her legs and fingered her, slowly but surely bringing her to orgasm.

She protested when he said that he did not want anything and that he was happy to make this all about her, and even thought that she had done something wrong. He spent the rest of the evening convincing her that it was not her fault at all and that she had not done anything wrong, and by the time they were ready to sleep, he was glad to see that she believed him and that she was content. If only he could ease his own mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dwight what did I just tell u


	3. Chapter 3

Debbie moaned into Dwight's mouth, arms encircling his neck and legs wrapped around his waist. He had her on her back, laying in her bed as they kissed, both already undressed. Whenever they broke the kiss to breathe, they could only pant for a few seconds before one of them resumed it, and he was grateful for the lack of oxygen, because he hoped that it would soon cloud his mind enough that he would not have to think about what he was doing.

“ _Did you think about what I said?” she asked. He had been hoping that they could continue like nothing had happened, but Debbie wasn't having that. She was not going to let this go until she got a clear answer, and he knew that that answer needed to be no, but now that he was faced with her, he couldn't bring himself to say it._

“ _Things are complicated, and you know it,” was all he said, and he realized just how lame he sounded. Things didn't need to be complicated, if he just reminded himself that he was with Cindy, that they were practically married, and that that was enough reason to turn Debbie down, that nobody would blame him for doing so. “I can't just...”_

He trailed kisses down her neck when she seemed bored, biting her a little bit harder than he intended; he didn't know if he was frustrated with her or himself, but it was slipping out into his actions. But then Debbie moaned and he gave her another rough bite just to test, and she cried out, “Yeah, like that!” Whatever his reason for doing it was, she at least liked it.

“ _It's only as complicated as you make it,” she replied. “If you're not interested in me, just say so, alright? I can take it if that's what it is, but if you_ do _like me, and if you're really just with Cindy because you feel sorry for her, what's stopping us from giving this a try?”_

“ _Even if I wanted to, I couldn't just dump her out of nowhere over something like this,” he said, shaking his head. “I hardly even know you.”_

“ _That's bullshit and you know it. We're friends, and we're pretty damn close, and I know I'm not the only one who noticed something going on between us. You just afraid you won't like me once you get rid of her, and then you'll be alone?”_

“Fuck me already,” she mumbled, as if sensing that he was drawing this out. And he was, because he kept hoping that he would be able to talk himself out of this, but he hadn't, and wasn't going to, and he was going through with this even though he knew that he shouldn't.

“You're ready?” he asked.

“Yes, come on,” she replied, sounding impatient. Dwight shifted, positioning himself, and took in a deep breath before he began to push into her, knowing that he was crossing a final line here, or maybe that line had already been crossed.

“ _That isn't...you know that's not it!” he snapped, but wasn't that exactly it? Otherwise, wouldn't he have been able to make a concrete decision from the start?_

“ _So, is it because you don't want to commit until you've had a free sample?” Debbie smirked at him. “Because I wouldn't be opposed to letting you try the merchandise.” He knew that she had to be confident that he would choose her if they went that far, otherwise she wouldn't be offering, and he also knew that if he took her up on that, there would be no going back. To do something like that to Cindy would be absolutely unforgivable, and he knew it._

But here he was, in Debbie's bed, and even though he had wanted to resist her, he hadn't. He was fucking her, while Cindy was probably wondering what was taking him so long, and he knew that that would be what happened, and he still hadn't stopped himself, all because a girl had shown interest in him. Here he was again, having guilty sex with someone he wasn't sure he even liked, just because she also didn't think his scar made him completely unattractive.

Debbie wasn't bad, though. She was so strong, after all; he had thought about this when he was with Cindy, and he tried to remember all the good things he had thought about her before. He thought about Debbie when he was with Cindy, now he needed to try not to think about Cindy when he was with Debbie. Or did he need to think about Cindy, to remind himself why this was so bad?

If it were so bad, why was he still enjoying himself? No matter how guilty he felt, he was still fucking her, breathless as he thrust into her, a little more rough than he ever was with Cindy because Debbie seemed to like it, and he liked it too, he had just forgotten because he couldn't be like that with Cindy. Debbie moaned and arched her back, and he closed his eyes and hoped that if he couldn't see her, he could forget what he was really doing.

~X~

He hoped that Cindy would be asleep when he got home, because it was so late, but he knew that she wouldn't be. All she ever did was wait for him to get home, because she didn't believe herself capable of much else besides being his wife. He wondered if she ever would have been able to have any sort of real job in the community. At least Debbie actually _did_ something.

As soon as he thought that, he wished he hadn't. Cindy may not have been a fighter, but she had done plenty for him, and she always made the effort to do whatever he asked of her. He shouldn't think such awful things about her, but that was really just a drop in the bucket after what he had done.

“You're home!” she said, running to the door. It wasn't the first time he found himself comparing her to a dog.

“Yeah, I am. Sorry I'm late, had some stuff come up at the last minute. Leader stuff, you know.” It wasn't the worst lie, but if she had been more nosy, he would not have been able to keep it up.

But Cindy took everything he said at face value and smiled. “I'm glad you're home now. Do you need anything to help you unwind? I could give you a massage, or we could...” She trailed off; even after all this time, she could never be direct when she wanted sex.

“Just a massage, I think,” he replied. There was no way in hell he could fuck her, not after fucking Debbie, not with how awful he felt. He was lucky he could even look her in the eye, and she was none the wiser. How had he let himself go that far?

To make matters worse, she looked disappointed that he didn't want her, for the second night in a row. Tonight, however, she didn't ask him over and over again what she had done wrong, but he could tell that she was troubled and not saying anything because she didn't want to bother him. He wished that he could say something to reassure her, but he didn't want to lie to her any more than he already had.

 


	4. Chapter 4

It should have been a one time thing, but when Dwight saw Debbie the next day and she didn't hesitate to kiss him when she was sure no one was looking, he knew that it wasn't going to be a one time thing. He didn't pull out of the kiss or fight it at all, and instead gave into it even more easily than he had given into her advances the day before. Debbie was smirking when she pulled back, because she already knew that she had won him over, even if he wouldn't admit it yet.

“Ready for our patrol?” she asked innocently. He didn't reply to her, and they carried on in silence for a bit, though Debbie stood close by him and brushed her hand with his several times before she finally got frustrated by his distance.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked at last. “After last night, what? Now you're just gonna pretend nothing happened? If you feel guilty, fine, but you did it so you can't just blow me off and pretend it wasn't real.”

He wondered if he would ever reach a point in his life where he didn't have to feel guilty, or if all of his choices would lead him back to that. It wasn't that he wanted to blow Debbie off, but he also didn't want to acknowledge what they had done or try to do it again. And yet he _did_ want to do it again, because, no matter how guilty it made him feel, he had enjoyed himself with her, but then, he didn't want to do anything that would hurt Cindy. No matter what he did, it would just cause another problem.

“I'm not gonna pretend it didn't happen,” he said. “But you can't expect me to just be okay with what I did. I cheated on Cindy, and there's no way to get around that. I'm not proud of what I did, or what...what I might still want to do.”

“See, I knew it!” she said. “I knew that you had to want this, and that you still want more. So if that's the case, then why keep pushing me away? You don't have to keep making excuses.”

“Just because I want it doesn't make it right. I can't...I can't just go in blind like this and I can't just...” He sighed.

“You sure there's nothing I can do to convince you?” asked Debbie. Though he never answered her question, he figured that the fact that he went home with her again that night was answer enough.

~X~

They fell into a pattern, and though he felt as though it was outside of his control, he knew that it wasn't, and every night when he got home to Cindy, he told himself once again that he had the power to stop this and that he needed to. But still, he never did, and Cindy got used to him coming home late, always believing whatever excuses he had for her until he finally told her that that would just be his schedule from then on.

He was eventually able to fuck her even after he'd been with Debbie, if only because he hated seeing the look on her face when he turned her down, knowing that she would never let him know if she really wanted it and would always pretend she was fine with it if he said no. It had been guilt that had stopped him in the first place, but it was guilt that drove him back to it. If she noticed that there was something forced about it, she held back comment and she seemed happy again. That was better than how things had been, but he didn't feel better himself because he knew that he was not doing right by her, no matter how happy she might be.

He didn't want to do anything to hurt her, but Debbie kept pushing him to make a decision, and he couldn't stop seeing her. Cindy would be crushed if he told her; even the little things upset her so much, and the more he thought about that, the more it grated on him. He always had to do so much to protect her, and all of this had only happened because he hadn't wanted to hurt her in the past. Everything had been to protect her feelings, and what good was any of that?

He still didn't know if he really loved her or if it had never gone any further than pity, and he didn't want to be stuck with someone he didn't know if he loved just to protect her, especially not when he knew that she wasn't the only one. Cindy couldn't really give him anything and he realized that now. All she did was cause him to worry about every little thing he said or did; Debbie was nothing like her, and Dwight was starting to realize that that was a good thing.

It would be nice to not have to worry about Cindy for once, to have on less responsibility on his plate when his daily life was already so damn stressful. He had an entire community to look out for, and he wasted what free time he had making sure that his crazy girlfriend, who thought herself his wife, thought she was useful and didn't feel bad about anything. If not for his guilt about cheating, he had a feeling that he wouldn't worry about much when he was with Debbie, and that, at that rate, she was a much better choice for him. Maybe he stood a better chance of falling in love with someone like her than he ever had with Cindy and maybe he had never had that sort of chance with Cindy to begin with.

“I'm going to tell Cindy about us,” he said to her one day.

“And what are you going to tell her?” asked Debbie.

“The truth.”

“Which is?”

“That I want to be with you now,” he said. “That I don't think things are going to work out with her. I don't...I don't wanna do anything to hurt her, but this has gone on long enough, and it's pretty obvious that I can't just force things with her. You were right about it all being pity, I think.”

“Oh, I know I was. When are you going to tell her?”

“As soon as possible. I think...I think I'm going to tell her once I get off from partol tomorrow night.” Dwight sighed, but he knew that he was making the right choice. He had to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bye cindy


	5. Chapter 5

Dwight was more than a little nervous, but he knew he had to go through with this. No matter what, he had to break things off with Cindy now, before he let things go on for any longer than it already had, and it had already gone on for much too long. He went straight home without delaying, and she was waiting for him just like she always was, but for the last time, even if she didn't know it.

“You're home early,” she said, and she looked so damn happy that he almost lost the will to do it, but he managed to hold on.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, walking past her to sit down. He gestured for her to sit next to him, and she did so. “It's really important, Cindy.”

“What is it?” Now, she looked worried. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it isn't...” He sighed; he knew this wasn't going to be easy, but already she was making it so hard. “It isn't anything you did, Cindy. It's something I did, and something I need to do.”

“I don't understand, Dwight. Are you mad at me for something?”

“No!” She flinched and he sighed again. “No, it isn't that. I'm not mad at you for anything you did, okay? It's just that I...I've met somebody else, and I think that she and I...”

“Do you like her?” Her eyes widened, and before he could answer, she asked, “Do you love her?”

“I don't love her, but I do like her and I think I _could_ love her, someday. I don't know, it's a little early to be thinking about that with her,” he mumbled. This really wasn't going well at all.

“You want to be with her.” The realization on Cindy's face was heartbreaking.

“She and I have already...” He didn't have to admit to this part, but he wanted to be completely honest. The very least he could do now was not lie to Cindy anymore. “We've slept together. A lot. That's where I've been when I come home late, and I'm sorry. There's no excuse for it but it just kinda happened, and I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn't. And I'm sorry for that. You deserve better than that, and I know I can't ever make it up to you.”

Her eyes were filling with tears now, but she tried to blink them back. “You like her a lot, then? You really want to be with her?” She nodded to herself and said, “If you want to have her here too, that's okay. You said before you didn't want more than one wife, but if you've changed your mind...I'd be happy to share you!”

But she wouldn't and he knew that she wouldn't. Things were different for her with him than they had been with Negan, and she would be miserable if he had another girl living with them. She was only saying this because she thought it would make him happy and she thought it would keep him from leaving her, but it was not something she would ever be happy with.

And he wasn't going to be like that. He  _couldn't_ be like that, he couldn't imagine himself keeping two women and he wouldn't allow himself to do something that might make people think he was becoming more like Negan, and that was without even considering Debbie's standpoint. There was no way she would be okay with sharing, especially not with how clear she had made it that she disliked Cindy. No one involved would be happy with that sort of arrangement, no matter how much Cindy wanted to salvage things.

“No, Cindy,” he said. “No, I know you wouldn't, and I don't want that for either of us anyway. It's better all around, you know?”

“It's not better for me,” she said before looking up at him, eyes wide and full of tears. “Dwight, why don't you want me anymore? Is it something I did?”

“Honestly,” he replied, knowing even has he did that maybe he didn't have to be completely honest, “I don't know if I ever did.”

“What do you mean? Did I...”  
“No, you didn't do _anything_ ,” he snapped, getting frustrated. “You're great, alright? This isn't about you, it's never been about you, it's just that I like Debbie and she's more my type, and she...she likes me too.”

“I love you,” replied Cindy, and he was an asshole for wanting to tell her that she didn't mean it even after she had spent so much time proving that she did.

“I'm just saying, she likes me and that means that you aren't the only girl in the world who isn't bothered by...by _this_.” He gestured to his face, but even as he was saying all of this, he was beginning to realize how stupid he sounded. What was he even doing and what was really going on between him and Debbie that was so much better than what he had with Cindy?  
Then she started to cry in earnest, sobbing as her shoulders shook and tears ran down her face. “Okay,” she said, hardly coherent, “okay, if that's really what you want. I just want to do whatever will make you happy, and...and...if I'm not useful to you anymore then I don't wanna get in the way of anything...”

He watched her cry, wondering if he were making the right choice, but what other choice was there? By now, he knew that he didn't love her, and regardless of his feelings for Debbie, this had been a long time coming. If he went back on it now, he would only go back to faking it, and even if that made Cindy temporarily happy, he wouldn't be, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep her happy in the long run if their relationship was a lie.

“Do you want me to...help you find somewhere to stay?” he asked, after a long silence on his part. It felt wrong to ask that now, but it needed to be asked eventually, and he knew that he couldn't have her staying there any longer. That would only end badly for the both of them. “I can help you figure out how to get back on your feet, if you want me to.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don't want to be any more of a burden on you.” There wasn't even a hint of bitterness in her words, and he wished that she would at least get mad at him. If this had been a fight, it would have been so much easier, but instead, he'd told her he'd cheated and she'd offered to share him with another woman!

“It wouldn't be a burden. Really. If you need anything, you can let me know.”

But Cindy only shook her head and set to gathering up what few things were indisputably hers before going to the door. She looked back at him, looking like she wanted to say a lot, and he could still read her expression to know what most of that was, but she did not even say goodbye before she opened it and disappeared behind it, and then she was gone.

Dwight knew that he would feel shitty after she left, but it was even worse than he had expected. She had looked so damn betrayed, and he wished that he hadn't done something like that to her, but he couldn't just keep lying to her. And now it was over for good, and he knew that he should feel relieved about that, but he didn't just yet. For a moment, he really missed her enough that he wanted to go after her, but he managed to push those urges back down.

 


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Dwight woke up alone for the first time in a very long time, and it hurt a bit, looking at the empty pillow next to him. But it had been his choice, and it was over and done with. Maybe Debbie would want to move in with him soon, and he wouldn't have to sleep alone for very long. At the very least, they would have the option to fall asleep together after fucking now.

He went through his daily routines like always, but often caught himself wondering what Cindy was doing at home, only to have to remind himself that she wasn't waiting for him there anymore. When it came time for patrol, he listened to what Laura had to say like always before Debbie came up to steal him away.

“So,” she said, not even waiting until they were out of earshot, “did you tell Cindy about us?”

Laura gave him a curious glance, but he tried to ignore her. “Yeah, I...we broke up last night,” he said. He kept silent, walking away from Laura quickly before he would tell Debbie anything else.

“Yeah? And how did she take it?”

“How do you think?” He shook his head. “She took it terribly. She was so upset, because of course she thought it was all her fault.”

“It kinda is.”

“What? No it's not. How is it her fault that I just wasn't feeling things?” he asked. “She didn't do anything wrong, I just wasn't...it wasn't working out for _me_. But it wasn't her fault.”

“If you say so,” replied Debbie, not looking convinced.

“Come on, you don't have to be like that,” he said. “I _did_ break up with her after all, even if it was hard as hell.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “It shouldn't have been that hard. I thought you were sick of her anyway.”

“It's not...you know it's not that simple. She and I were together for a really long time, and she was always so sweet to me. I know I didn't return her feelings, but I still hate that I had to be so cruel to her.”

“Christ, Dwight, why do you care so much?” she snapped. “I mean, it's over now, right? Yeah, I'm sure it was hard for you or whatever, but you broke up with her. It's done, and it doesn't matter what she feels now.”

“I guess you're right,” he mumbled, even though he did not agree with her at all. He didn't want to start a fight with her already, not as soon as they were officially together, but the way Debbie was talking didn't sit right with him. She had always been jealous, but he thought that would have faded now that he had chosen her, but it seemed to only be getting worse.

_Whatever_ , he thought.  _She's at least right that I shouldn't worry. Not about Cindy, and not about this._ He was going to try to enjoy this, because what was the point if he didn't? What reason did he have for pursuing Debbie if he did not enjoy the time he spent with her?

And so, when his patrol was over, he had her over for the first time, and they fucked in his own bed. Of course, he should have known that it would be weird to have Debbie in the same bed that Cindy had been in the night before the last, but once he realized that, it was too late and they were already there, and if he said anything, Debbie would only get upset with him again. He found that, now, it was impossible to get Cindy off his mind.

~X~

Waking up with Debbie was almost stranger than waking up alone because, for a brief moment when his mind was still fuzzy, he forgot everything and thought he was still with Cindy, and when Debbie's auburn hair, and not Cindy's brown hair, came into focus, it took him a moment to orient himself. But then he remembered and he made himself smile and he told her good morning before he got up to get ready for his daily routine.

“I'll see you on patrol,” he said. “I've got to get out and check on some things.”

“But it's our first actually day together,” she complained. “I thought you might take some time off...”

“It's not like this is a real job,” he replied, “and I'm the only one who does it. I can't just take time off, or even ask somebody else to cover for me. It's gotta be me.”

“But you _hate_ it. How about you find somebody else to do it full time?” asked Debbie with a mischievous grin. “And then I can have you all to myself.”

It was more tempting than he could ever admit, but not for the reasons she was thinking of, and if there were anyone else who wanted this job and could do better at it than him, he wished that they would step forward. But he couldn't skip out on a day for anything, and he thought Debbie would be a little more understanding of that. Rolling his eyes, he said, “I don't think that's happening any time soon.”

Huffing, she said, “Fine, if that's how it has to be. I guess I'll see you at patrol, then.”

~X~

Before Debbie arrived that afternoon, Laura approached him, looking a little bit concerned, and when she spoke to him, she said, “Listen, I didn't mean to eavesdrop yesterday, but...are you and Cindy...?”

“Broken up?” he asked. “Yeah, we are.”

“I thought so. Well, she...she kind of came to sign up to do morning patrols,” she replied. “She specifically requested mornings so that she wouldn't get in your way, and she was pretty insistent that she get the job.”

“She...she wants to do _this_?” he asked, hoping that he'd heard her wrong. “But...she doesn't even...”

“Maybe you should talk to her about this,” said Laura. “I don't really know much other than this is the job she said she wanted.”

“Is it alright if I do that right now?” he asked.

“You're the one in charge, remember? But, yeah, you can show up a little late, everyone else can handle themselves just fine. Do you...want me to let Debbie know that you're gonna be late?”

“Yeah, thanks,” he said quickly, before heading off, not really sure where he was going. Since Cindy had turned down his offer to help her find somewhere to stay, he didn't know where she would be, but it didn't take much thinking to figure somewhere out. She didn't know many people anymore, and he figured if she would go to anyone, it would be Nina, and he was right. Nina called for Cindy, who looked so surprised and excited to see Dwight that he realized talking to her was a mistake.

“I heard you signed up for patrols,” he said, before she could say anything herself.

“If I couldn't be useful as your wife, I knew that I had to get some other kind of job,” she replied. “I wanted to...to do _something_ for you. And for everyone, but...I know you value that job a lot, so that's why I chose it.”

“But...” And now she was putting herself in a dangerous situation that she didn't have the experience to handle because she didn't know what else she could do for him. “But you haven't been outside in so long. There's no way you can handle something like that, isn't there anything else?”

“I've already signed up for it. I promise, I'll do my best at this.” She gave him a hollow smile, and he realized now just how off she seemed, even more so than usual. The fact that her odd behavior was now partially his fault made him feel like shit, but he couldn't convince her otherwise, and he decided that he would have to talk to Laura about it instead.

“I'm sure you will,” he finally said. “I have to get back now.” He waved goodbye as he left, and her voice only broke a little bit when she called a goodbye after him.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Debbie was annoyed with how late he showed up for patrol, and even more annoyed by what he was doing. “I know you were with Cindy,” she said. “Laura told me what you were doing.”

Dwight had hoped that she wouldn't go into that much detail, but he sighed, saying, “Because I told her to. I didn't want you to worry.”

“Well, why do _you_ worry?” she asked. “About her, I mean. You're broken up, so who cares what she wants to do with her free time now?”

“She might get herself hurt, she doesn't have enough experience to do something like this, and I know she's only doing it because of me. I don't want her putting herself in danger because she thinks that'll make me happy.”

Groaning, she said, “Here we fucking go. If she wants to do that, that's her own damn choice! If she gets hurt for being stupid, it's her problem and not yours. You're her  _ex_ .”

“I'm not just speaking as her ex, Debbie. I'm speaking as leader, and I don't think it'd be right of me to let something like this happen to anyone, not just my ex.” He didn't want to talk about this anymore, not with Debbie. This wasn't going to accomplish anything other than starting a fight, so before she could say anything else on the subject, he said, “How about we just drop it? You're right, I shouldn't worry about it, so I don't wanna think about it anymore.”

“Yeah, okay,” she grumbled, not looking like she believed him, and he didn't blame her for that. He really had no intention of forgetting about it, and he couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to deal with it just yet. The next day, he would speak to Laura about it, and see what they could do from there.

~X~

Debbie had been in a bad mood that night, so she hadn't come home with him, and he had woken up alone again. He tried not to miss Cindy, because it was just him missing having someone with him, he was sure. But he was quick to push those thoughts out of his mind as he got ready, deciding that it would be best if he went to see Laura early on, just to get it out of the way.

“We're short staffed in the mornings,” she said. “Jace's wife is about to have her baby, and they've gone to that doctor in Hilltop. If she's willing to train and learn, I can't just turn her away.”

He could order Cindy not to do this, or he could order Laura to refuse her help, but, even knowing that it was probably the right thing to do, he didn't feel right doing it. Not once had he felt comfortable as a leader, and doing something so authoritative didn't sit well with him.

“Can't you at least keep an eye on her?” he asked. “Just make sure she doesn't get hurt or do anything stupid?”  
“I'm not a babysitter,” replied Laura, “and she's your ex. I know you're worried, but you're not that responsible for her anymore, and I can't focus only on her. I've got a lot going on out there, and I'm not going to risk anyone's safety just to keep my eye on one person.”

“Just...” He sighed. “Fine, but if you happen to notice her doing anything particularly dangerous, I mean...”

“I'll do what I can,” she said, her face softening. “I know you feel responsible for this, and I know you're beating yourself up over it, but you don't need to. If you didn't love her, it wasn't fair to stay with her, and breaking up with her was the right thing to do. She may be taking it hard, but it's better that you were honest with her.”

“Yeah, I know, it's just...kinda hard not to feel guilty about it. About a lot of things,” he said.

“Well, if you ever need anyone to talk to about it...”

“Thanks, Laura. I really appreciate that.”

~X~

He managed to get Debbie to come home with him that night, but she was still irritated at him, and he wondered what the point even was, if she was just going to be mad at him the whole time they were together. It was obvious that she was still pissed off about Cindy, and about the fact that he was worried about her safety, but he didn't know how to make her understand that he couldn't help it and that it didn't affect their relationship as much as she thought it did.

Really, though, he wasn't so sure about that himself. If he thought about it for too long, if he thought too hard about it, he found himself starting to blame Debbie for what was happening to Cindy, in addition to himself. She had been the one to pressure him to leave her, and now she was trying to keep him from keeping Cindy from doing anything stupid, and even though he knew that, at the end of the day, he was the one making his decisions, it was hard not to place part of the blame on Debbie.

“What's wrong?” she snapped, already able to tell that something was on his mind. “And don't tell me it's Cindy.”

“I wasn't going to,” he muttered.

“But it is, isn't it?”

“You're the one who keeps bringing her up,” he said.

“But you're the one who keeps thinking about her, and don't think I can't tell!” She glared at him and he groaned.

“Why are you acting like this, Debbie? I'm with _you_ now, so why are you still so fucking jealous of her?” He really wasn't in the mood to fight with her, but she was making it impossible not to.

“Because you still talk about her and worry about her, and even when we're alone together, you look so goddamn miserable about her! If you want her back, just go back to her, but don't look at me all disappointed because I'm not her,” she said with a huff, and he did feel a little bit bad for her. It wasn't _really_ her fault that his breakup had been so stormy, and maybe he was being a little bit unfair to her about the whole thing.

“I'm sorry,” he said at last, and he meant it. “It's just been a rough transition. I promise, give me a couple days, and it'll be like the whole thing never happened.”

This seemed to soften her, at least a little bit. “As long as you get it sorted out,” she replied.

~X~

And perhaps he would have made good on his promise, if things had not played out in the way that they did. He really had been making an effort to not think about Cindy and to try to forget any leftover pain, and if he didn't spend too much time with Debbie, she really was just as appealing as she had seemed at first. Things were starting to look up, at least a little bit, but then he got the news.

There had been a group of walkers at the border, riled up and aggressive and somewhat difficult to deal with, while the morning patrol shift was at work. Luckily, thanks to Laura's quick thinking, they managed to take them down, and with only one casualty. She looked reluctant to tell Dwight, but he insisted she do, even though he already knew that it was Cindy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao bye bitch


	8. Chapter 8

He did try to hide the fact that he was upset, but it seemed he couldn't do a very good job of that. It had just hit him a little too hard, knowing that she really was gone, and that, no matter how people tried to convince him otherwise, it had been because of him. He didn't care if it had been her choice to join patrol and he didn't care that he had had every right to leave her if he didn't love her; it didn't make him feel any less responsible, and he missed her and he wouldn't get to see her ever again.

The big problems he had with Debbie had only made him realize that he didn't really care much for _her_ , and he had caught himself comparing her to Cindy once again, but this time, he was realizing that it might have been Cindy that was better for him. Maybe, if he'd had some time to figure out what he really wanted, he might have even gone back to her, but now he would never know, and she was dead and he would always feel responsible for it.

But he really did try to hide the fact that he was upset about it. No matter how serious it was, he knew that Debbie would just get jealous, and he tried to keep it from her that it was bothering him. He did what he could, but it wasn't enough, and it wasn't long before she was on him about it, asking what was wrong.

“Did something happen today?” she asked.

“No,” he lied.

“But you're acting weird again. Maybe even a little weirder than usual, so I know something has to be bothering you. Did something happen today?” At first, she really did seem concerned for him, but then her face fell. “Is this something with fucking Cindy again?”

Glaring at her, he kept silent, but that alone was an answer, and then she really went off on him. “You told me this wouldn't be this much of a problem! You told me it wouldn't take long for you to get over her, but it seems like all you care about is pining for your crazy ex! If you want her so bad, why don't you just go be with her instead and stop wasting my time?”

“Because Laura just told me today that she's dead!” he snapped back. “So I guess I couldn't go back to her even if I wanted to, and I guess me being upset isn't just a matter of 'getting over her'.”

Debbie looked taken aback at his news, but then her face hardened and she said, “You act like someone dying is news. Hate to break it to you, but it happens to  _everyone_ , and I'm still alive, and you're still alive, so why do you want to waste time on someone who isn't?”

“Are you being serious right now?” he asked. “I just found out this _morning_ , and you're ready for me to be done grieving her already. I'm sorry, but even if everyone has to deal with this shit, that doesn't make it any easier, and I'm gonna need more than just a day to get over it.”

Her eyes darkened and she glared up at him. “If you're really going to sit around moping over a girl  _you left_ forever, then maybe I really am wasting my time on you. Maybe things would be better for the both of us if I just left.”

Dwight hesitated; he was pissed off at her, and he wasn't sure what his feelings for her were, but if she left, then he really would be alone. Whether he liked her or not, they were supposed to be together, she had convinced him to be with her. He couldn't just break things off with her now, after putting this much effort into getting with her in the first place. Not now that he had lost Sherry-  _Diane_ \- and Cindy both. More than anything, he did not want to be alone.

“No, Debbie, listen,” he said.

“Why should I?” she interrupted. “Why should I listen to you when all you do is make excuses?”

“Debbie, I don't want to fight about-”

“We're a little past that, don't you think? All we've done since you dumped her is fight. We got along better when you were fucking me behind her back! And what exactly does that say about us? What does that say about _you_?” She shook her head. “I'm sorry, but I don't think this is working out for either of us. I don't want to do this anymore, Dwight. I think we should...I'm done.”

Grabbing her hand, he said, “Please, can't we just see what happens?”

“I've already seen what happens,” she replied, snatching her hand back. “And I haven't really liked any of it. I can't be with you anymore.”

Debbie had made up her mind, and even though he didn't want her to leave, he knew that he couldn't fight her on this. And if he did, he knew that things wouldn't get better for them. She was right that they couldn't make this work, and that things were awful between them, and so he didn't say another word as she left. He was left alone again, for the third time. Fourth, if he counted both times Diane had left him for Negan.

Sitting down and sighing, he knew that it all came back to Diane. It always came back to Diane. He hadn't really loved Cindy, and he certainly hadn't loved Debbie, and neither relationships had worked out for him. Diane, his Sherry, had been the love of his life, and though he had managed to convince himself for a short time, he wasn't over her, and he wasn't sure if he ever would be. No one made him feel quite like she did, and if he couldn't be with her, he didn't know if he could ever have that feeling again.

Everything he had done had been for her, yet he had still lost her, and he didn't have a way to win her back. He hadn't lost her because he did wrong by her, but she hadn't wanted him back and she never would. Things were just as over between the two of them as they were between him and Debbie. Almost as over as what had been between him and Cindy, but he felt bad comparing the two, considering her fate.

He knew that, all along, she had been nothing but a replacement for Diane. It was only due to loneliness that he had given in, and then Cindy had loved him more than she had ever loved Negan, something that he had always hoped for from Diane. He would never have been able to love Cindy as he was, but she had given him something that he had wanted so much, and he had been unable to resist her for so long.

But even that had not been enough to make their relationship last, and when Debbie had come to him, proving to him that there were other women in the world who wanted him and that, if he left Cindy, he would not have to be alone, he once again could not resist the offer. Once again, however, he had not been able to find love with her, and now he really was left alone, and he supposed that was how it was meant to play out.

Clearly, he wasn't good at making relationships work, as evidenced by the fact that he had lost his wife- two wives, if he counted Cindy- and couldn't manage to keep a girlfriend. With that lack of stability in his life, he wondered who he was kidding by trying to lead an entire community.

The Saviors would be better off with somebody else leading them, and he knew that, even if everyone seemed to think that he was doing just fine. He wasn't cut out to be a leader, and every day, he was only made more sure of that. It wouldn't be long before he slipped up somehow and ruined everything, especially considering how distracted he often became with his failing love life. Dwight didn't think he deserved this position anymore, and he really began to think that it was time to throw in the towel.

He'd talk to Rick about things, he decided. Next chance he got, he would work things out and find someone else to take on his job, so that he could put a little more focus into straightening out his own life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over! i'd like to write a third story where he does sort things out and ends up with Laura, and all that jazz, but I'm not super inspired to work on it right now, so it might be a while before i start working on that.


End file.
